Filth ain't filth if it's funny!
I’m not blond, but I was young and silly. My first high school boyfriend was a freak in the bedroom. After I surrendered my virginity, he slowly introduced me to kinky sex.
One evening I went over his parent’s house for a love making session.
He had baby powder sprinkled on the bed, whip cream on the nightstand, and our first kiss was chocolaty sweetness.
He took off my clothes and directed me to the powder sprinkled bed. He took the whip cream and sprayed it on my breasts, with a line going down my stomach to my thighs. He reached over the side of the bed and brought up a bag of silver Hershey’s Kisses. He wanted to know how many I could handle.
I was half out of my mind before he even touched me. He licked the cream from my breasts. One. Two. Three. Licked a trail down my stomach, tongue swirling all the while. Four. Five. Six. Pulled my legs apart and nibbled on the inside of my thighs. Seven. Eight. Nine.
Finally he put his mouth over me and sucked hard. Nine. Eight. Seven. I was bucking against his mouth by that time. He was impatient too and jammed himself in me. His tongue matched his thrusts. Deep kisses and deeper strokes.
He put nine inside me and only retrieved three. Did he take the aluminum foil off first? What if his penis pushed them further inside me and they got stuck in my fallopian tubes? I wanted to have kids someday. How could I explain to my future husband why I couldn’t have children?
It took him an hour to calm my hysterical tears (snot and all). Another hour to convince me I didn’t need an ambulance, that he would drive me to the emergency room. Another hour to see the emergency room doctor.
The doctor stared at me like I was a moron. After confirming my age and mental capabilities with pointed questions, he informed me that the worst that would happen is a very bad yeast infection. “Any foreign object that you insert in your vagina may cause a severe infection. I wouldn’t advise you to insert anything in your vagina that is not natural. But you are aware that chocolate melts, no? You will see a dark brown discharge within several hours and that will be the chocolate melting. No need to come back to the hospital understand?”
The doctor left, shaking his head. I got dressed in the robe I borrowed from my boyfriend’s mother and went to the waiting room. It was empty. No boyfriend. No clothes. No money.
I called my best friend to pick me up from the hospital. And suffered the whole ride home listening to her hysterical laughter.
-Anonymous Chocolate Flavored Dummy