The Tales

Filth ain't filth if it's funny!

Tales From My Vagina: Peanut Butter and Dick

tfmv-peanutbutter

Imagine an unhappy, verbally abusive relationship. After the birth of my third child I ventured back into the work force. I loved the freedom of earning my own money again, but not the job.

There was this male co-worker who really got under my skin. He was stuck in 1982 with a mullet, ripped acid wash jeans, and an attitude that he deserved a model looking babe on his arm. After a couple of years of pointed verbal cuts and mutual disdain, we became friendly.

One night at closing, he propped me up on a counter, spread my legs, and gave me some really great head. We became more than friendly at that point. I was aware of his search for Miss Perfect and his phobia of getting a woman pregnant.

During the next several months we had strange sexual encounters. He loved to play without entering me. He bought us dildos, a his and her set. I knew how paranoid he was about pregnancy.

I did my best to assure him that after a bad marriage and three kids, I wasn’t interested in having any more; kids or husbands. Yet still he found inventive ways of making me cum without using his penis, so I was willing to go at his pace.

Eventually, he became comfortable enough to share his sexual kinks. At his request, one encounter had me jamming a Sharpy down his pee hole while he jerked off.

He really did give good head, which is why I tried to accept his kink. But, damn, what did he normally shove down his dick to make his pee hole big enough to take a magic marker?

The time came for me to want to get fucked regular. I let him know that after several months of oral sex, ramming things in him, getting plastic cocks rammed into me; I want some normal good hard sex. Dick meet Vagina. We agreed to meet for what I thought was a normal penis in vagina session.

We’re sitting in the car in a secluded area when he reached into the backseat and brought out a grocery sack. Inside was a jar of peanut butter, Hershey’s syrup, and a large syringe (similar to a baby’s syringe or small turkey baster). At first I thought he meant to put that on me, no biggie. Been there, done that. Yawn. But no, this was all about him. Again.

He wanted me to inject the peanut butter and chocolate syrup into his pee hole, then suck it out. I was slightly put off at the idea, extremely aggravated because I knew this meant no cock fulfillment for me, but I sat and watched while he stuffed his meat full.

Being an engineering major in college, you might think this guy would know better. He asked me to hold it while he injected the peanut butter.

The peanut butter was harder to squeeze through the makeshift syringe than he thought. I watched him pant and work up a sweat squeezing the thick goo into himself.

As soon as he pulled the syringe away the pressure caused it to erupt like the smallest active volcano in the world.

It blew everywhere, his face, the dash, windshield. I laughed my ass off and went home, knowing that this strange hook up was over. Forever.

Anonymous

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This entry was posted on March 27, 2016 by in The Tales and tagged , , , , , .

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