The Tales

Filth ain't filth if it's funny!

Tales From My Vagina: One Nut Too Many

three ballsI met this man through a respectable dating club. I know I’m not the prettiest woman even after a large weight loss, I still have a fat complex about myself. But I decided it was time to put myself out there and quit being so lonely.

We met at a local diner and he immediately let me know that he considered the menu to be pricey. This place doesn’t serve anything over $12.00. Okay. I ordered soup and he said he wasn’t hungry. The bill of $4.00 came and he’s digging in his pockets, searching. I just paid to stop him from complaining even louder and embarrassing me more.

His fingernails were dirty. It’d been such a long time since I’d had a man take me out (even though I had to pick him up and pay) I tried to be appreciative. We went to a pay by the hour motel. Hopeful, I paid for 2 hours.

He undressed me, kissed my breasts. I’m feeling better and better about this. When he took off my pants, I was really getting into it. The seedy room started looking comfortably homey. The thought of bed bugs and roaches crawling into my purse was slowly disappearing. Until I felt his hand on my vagina.

The dirt under his nails started to bother me again. I didn’t want to get some strange vaginitis caused by motor grease and general filth. I pushed his dirty hand away and he replaced it with his mouth.

Oh yeah, that’s what I missed. I must say, he is really good at this. I’m ready now, rolled him over, inched down his pants and kissed my way to his pot belly. He sprang free. A fully erect, throbbing 3 inches of all man.

Undeterred, I grabbed it. Rolled it between my hands like a marijuana joint. Yeah it had been a while, but damn. I didn’t deserve this. I give to charity. I help the homeless. When is it my turn for a blessing?

Determined to work with it but not with my mouth. I spread his legs further apart. Planning on giving him that 1962 finger/scrotum stroke that used to drive my ex husband wild (and usually gives a man an extra 2 inches in length).

Oh. MY. GOD. Hanging in between the left nut and the right nut was a middle nutsack. Bigger than the other 2 it was purple and warm and hard. Perfectly round, with a little stubble of hair shaped like a mini triangle of tragedy.

I guess he felt my shock. He started explaining that it started growing several years ago, but didn’t hurt. Since he is unemployed, without health insurance, and living in his sister’s basement, he hasn’t had the money to go to a doctor.

He explained that being 52 years old and having kids already it wasn’t a big problem. Just lift it out of the way and ignore it. Sad to say, I did.

Abandoned the 1962 special. Rolled over to my back and let him hump me. I’m still not sure why his penis felt bigger than it was. I suspect he packed his third ball inside me as well as his dick.

Anonymous 

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This entry was posted on July 11, 2016 by in The Tales and tagged , , , , , , .

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